Home > Climate Change > >New UN IPCG committee looks to heavens to save world

>New UN IPCG committee looks to heavens to save world

>The United Nations’ newest committee, the International Panel on Colliding Galaxies, has warned that the Earth will be destroyed in 2 billion years unless urgent action is taken to ensure that the Milky Way and Andromeda galaxies do not collide.

Global warming, the Iraq war, economic woes, fears of terrorism — and now, just when it appeared things couldn’t get any worse, astronomers predict the sun — and Earth along with it — will be hurled into deep space when our galaxy collides with a neighboring galaxy.

The galactic collision won’t happen for a few billion years, but when it does, the entire solar system will be expelled from its current place in the bright galactic “suburbs” into the galactic boondocks, where there will be far fewer stars to guide sailors and to inspire the romantic.

Never again will the night skies be as pretty as they are now.

This less-than-sunny news comes from Harvard astronomer Thomas Cox and his colleague Avi Loeb, who used a supercomputer model to predict how the two galaxies will begin colliding in about 2 billion years.

Former Vice President Al Gore immediately released a statement warning that galaxy collisions are clearly due to the popularity of the reality TV series like Big Brother and Survivor.

“Collisions are simply the galaxies’ way of hitting their heads against a wall and they’re lining up to do that now,” railed Gore, “We must urgently cease transmitting these intellectually offensive shows into space.”

Gore supported the United Nations’ sponsored Burkina Faso Protocol, which seeks to introduce a cap and trade scheme in order to limit reality TV show output.

“Cap and trade is the only way I can see to deal with the issue,” Gore said. “In response, I will be buying my own Collision Credits so that I can continue to watch those crazy Japanese reality shows and recommend everyone else does, as well.”

Hollywood production houses immediately voiced their support for the Burkina Faso Protocol.

Effeminate, poncy, sub-intellectual, crap actor, Leonardo Di Caprio, the self-appointed spokesperson for Hollywood’s morally malnourished, overpaid, reality deniers immediately voiced his support.

“I just love Al Gore,” he said with his typical stunned-rabbit look. “What are Galaxies? They sound important! We must stop them from colliding. I’m sure Fidel Castro can help!”

UN negotiators are currently working out the reductions in TV reality shows that each nation will need to bear. It’s predicted that the United States will be hit hardest, as they’re blamed for inventing the genre and creating most of the content. The French, who haven’t produced a reality show for 10 years, suggested that 1997 should be used as a benchmark.

Whatever the outcome one thing’s for sure. Unless we urgently address TV reality shows there’ll be no stopping the galaxies colliding in 2 billion years.

And then we’ll be sorry.

Categories: Climate Change
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